What? Moi?

People tell me a lot that I am like a ray of sunshine. If I had a hundred bucks (dollars not male dear) for every time I heard this I would be $0 richer, because they don't actually tell me this. No one has ever told me this. Ever. I am pretty sure people think it a lot though, but you know how people are - they can so shy! It's so nice of them to think it though.

Ways In Which I am Going Green

It is all the rage to 'Go Green' these days, people want to do their part to save the environment and I am no different. I have made a list of the ways in which I will be going green.

Way #1
Using tree bark in place of toilet paper, post-it notes, paper towels, feminine hygeine products and plastic cutlery

Way #2
Only washing clothes when they are really dirty. If I haven't been mud wrestling or hanging out in a sweat lodge for extended periods, I will just re-wear!

Way #3
I will be making my own gasoline using discarded aluminum cans and used twisty ties. Science has not proven this can be done yet, but I am confident that with the proper go-getter attitude this is possible!

Way #4
I will harness the energy of Justin Beiber's popularity among the pre-teen set to power my electronics

Way #5
I will install a fire pit in my living room for cooking and lighting purposes (and to add to the overall aesthetic)

Way #6
To shrink my carbon footprint, I will do the equivalent of the ancient Chinese tradition of foot binding to, said carbon footprint, by not showing. Although this may hinder my relationships, with - friends, family, cashiers at grocery stores, etc. I am all about taking one for the team!

Who cares. No big deal. I want moooooore

I can sing all the words to any Little Mermaid song like a champ! Impressed? Don't be. Those lyrics are taking precious brain space that could be used for ..... Sports trivia! How many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop! Movie quotes! The history of ketchup! You know, important stuff.

If you don't have it you're never gonna get it.....Oh YES you will!

Sometimes I need something awesome to get me through the day. This is it.

Important information that you must read for everything else to make sense

My older sister, who is older than me in years but not traffic tickets, is totally awesome. Hereafter she shall be referred to as her Highness (notice the capitalization) Istymay the brave and kind and good-looking.

When I Am Fascist Dictator

When I am fascist dictator first order of business: Get rid of all the speed bumps & get myself some sort of device, wherein traffic lights are always green for me! Muahahahahah!(Or drive an ambulance)
Second order of business: Create propaganda against shoe & pants wearing (shorts and flip flops are OK) to be distributed to the masses
Third Order of Business: Make my subjects build me a ginormous pyramid structure (with high speed internet access) to keep me well situated in the afterlife
Fourth Order of Business: I haven't really gotten this far......