My Most Bravest Moment

I hate snakes. All good people do. Once I had a dream where I was being eaten by a giant snake. They were playing the movie Anaconda and I happened to see a few commercials, shortly thereafter I woke up sweaty and maybe crying, to find my blanket twisted up and wrapped around me in a snake-like fashion. It was awful, maybe as awful as the time I dreamed my bunk bed was a prison and almost jumped over the railing in my sleep.

Lets just say that if snakes were people they would be Marilyn Manson or possibly the kid snatching candy man from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Bang (who still frightens me to this day).

Anyways, my brother "Ussellray" has snakes. As pets!! He names them, is not afraid to touch them and feeds them rodents (which sometimes he buys frozen and keeps in the freezer with people food, which is wrong)!! It was not a happy day when one of his snake pets, out of sheer evilness, got out of its cage and terrorized us over the next couple weeks. No one could catch it, and after awhile everyone sort of forgot about it, thinking it was probably long gone into the wilderness by then. I secretly hoped it was dead of starvation from no frozen mice at regular intervals (FYI - snakes are like cockroaches and don't die of natural causes like starvation or dehydration, like normal living things).

Around this time, I woke up in the middle of the night and stumbled to the bathroom. I opened the door, turned on the light and there looking at me, like it had been caught, was the snake. We sat there looking at each other for awhile. I didn't move. It didn't move. I was too fresh from sleep to do anything like run or scream (let's just say I have might be compared to a sloth when I have just woken up). Secretly, I was hoping it would slither away so I could forget I had seen it - then I would just make a point to wear snake repellent or not visit my parents house for a year or so. Suddenly though something weird came over me. I don't know what the motivation was - the triumph of courage over fear? Stupidity? A sudden realization the snake was relatively small and un-poisonous? The desire to be the hero and bring peace of mind and liberation to all the women in the house?? Whatever the case I suddenly snapped to alertness and decided I would catch the (*swearword*) snake. Miraculously, I did catch it. I don't remember the details, but afterward, shaking like a leaf, I woke my brother up and handed him his stupid snake. It was epic. My personal Rocky-esque moment of triumph. I think I could even hear a faint strain of 'The Eye of The Tiger' playing in the background.

What I Want For My Birthday

To build a forts all day, have a picnic and not have to wear shoes or socks even once.

What Makes Me Awesome

....Is that I do not have sleep apnea! I would be less awesome as a person with sleep apnea. Firstly because it causes you to sometimes stop breathing as you sleep and I find I am better breathing than not. Secondly, sleep apnea would make me afraid to sleep and I am way better with sleep than without (and break fewer traffic laws). Thirdly, I just SAY so and don't question my authority!

Nuthin'

I have never been impressed by race car drivers (except maybe the time when I was learning how to drive a stick shift and I stalled my car every 4 minutes). I just think it's not very impressive to drive a car fast, I mean I do that every day (unless a police officer is reading this and then I never drive fast ever, ever).
What I do think would be impressive is:
A. A monkey driving a race car
or
B. Driving a race car using only your knees and texting on your cell phone at the same time.

Musings

I just saw a banner ad that asked me if I ever dream of having my own pool. Nope, never dreamed of that. Unleeeeess it was one of those dreams that I can't remember. So the answer is maybe, maybe I have but probably not. But tonight could be the night!