I read this article and realized that I also know about the economy. Up to this point I have mostly been selfish and kept my knowledge to myself, but all that is going to change.
I have discovered a new economic indicator which is largely ignored by experts. I can tell where the economy is headed by how many free magazines I happen to score at the gym. The formula is complicated and you probably won't understand but here it is anyways: (If your brain starts to hurt don't say I didn't warn you)
Scenario 1: Good Economy
Many magazines scored for free by me =
Not afraid to spend a few bucks on US Weekly =
(and while you're at it throw in a Star & Enquire, so each celebrity scandal can be properly fact checked!)
Lets go to the rodeo people cause the markets are Bullish! (Woohoo! Confetti! Celebration!)
Scenario 2: Bad Economy
Few magazines =
Causing me to have to go to the internets for my celebrity gossip, which may cause me to develop carpal tunnel and die a lonely horrible death. (if this doesn't make sense please see the above warning)
No matter how badly I want to know about what is going on with Brad and Angelina or who wore it best, I am not gonna buy my People mag when I am spending every blessed cent on rent or groceries =
Start investing your money at the bank of "under the mattress" cause
The market is Bear-(ful?)
P.S. I know about the bear and bull thing because I have played many games of Pit.
Believe it or not I don't even have a degree in economics!
Also, this knowledge will probably change your life. You can thank me later or now by naming your first born child after me - (if they are already born and you worry that said child has become attached to their current name please rest assured that babies and children barely notice this and will be more happier and successful in the long term)
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2 comments:
hahahahahaha....Do you think Aaron will mind if he now goes by the name Kim?
He won't mind. I already asked.
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